and I have been so fuck'in alone, since Those Three Days

Its melancholic me again. Absolutely love this song. Absolutely love the show, though its freakish to me now...

So what does it mean to be alone anyway? So what does it mean, to have lost the love of your life and feeling all alone and lost?

Sure u can indulge in some escapism sometimes. Sure, u can bear the teeny weeny thought that maybe, just maybe, that someone will come back to you again. Anything to ease the wound, like a marijuana to the pain. Tat's natural, i do that sometimes, all the time, but never ever yet such fantasy control your life or else, when u take tat one step back into reality, it would fuck'in hurt like crazy all over again.

Whether its 2 months, or 20 years, once its over, its so fuck'in over.
Sometimes, we just can't internalise the loss until we get a third party, an external voice to tell it in our face, that things are over and to move on in life.

ps: I can be tat external voice to you anytime.

Lets face the truth: i have always needed that external voice. I seek assurances in those external voices to tell me what i refuse to register in my heart. In fact, maybe this whole time, i have always been doing all kinds of wild and weird antics, maybe just to attract attention to this little gal who needs help. This gal who's trying desperately to tell the whole world to pay attention to her and give her that external voice that she needs to hear. Maybe this whole blog, was just to fulfill this sole purpose. I won't doubt tat, if i may be honest. Just Maybe.

I know many like PS, had wanted to be tat external voice to me, but is afraid of how receptive am i. And i also appreciate those who dared to tell me things i need to hear.

~since those three days~

ps: i write best at nights...