chill out with La Contabilidad
After the night of Asoc dinner and chill-out at Indochine, got caught staring into space, one too many a time. Sigh...
It brought me instant flashback to another scene, its definitely not the first time. My frequent staring into space has always been misinterpreted, and is the driving cause of many things as well. Many a times, i feel that people dun understand me at all. There're many many innate reasons why i do so. I feel frustrated most when i'm not understood- but yet, i refuse to let people understand me so easily. I'll only open up to... wait.... i think i've been accused of not being able to open up before! Oh, boy.
Haha, so the whole irony about the loud hair,wild lifestyle, ridiculous dressing, exuding confidence and heck-care attitude- so its all a facade and is mere put-on expression of the self?? Interesting...
Many a times, i didnt feel comfortable at the dinner itself because the presence of people(s) lingering around which might have made me consciously guarded and unwilling to reveal my true self; sometimes its cause i'm thinking ( and yes,i do think and ponder- I'm an intellectual animal; NOT intelligent animal, its Intellectual!) and yes as suspected, sometimes its just fatigue. Many a times, its cause i'm enjoying the atmosphere as well ( notice i dun speak with La Contabilidad performs). And yes, i stare sometimes, when i'm depressed. Wasnt exactly enjoying it, and feels uncomfortable under my skin- and BLest friend caught it. Hahaha, its not tat difficult to realise really.
But yes, I have to admit, ernie's been acting very self guarded- even more so now, and very defensive. Its like some innate self-defence mechanism being put on auto-fuction mode. I think everyone around me can notice that. Everyone. She's changed.
I think ernie's really the one who's having issues, not you.
PS: I'm not SM for production 2005. In many ways, i'm more sad than glad. In a way, i want to be because i want to engulf once again in production, and make right everything i've made wrong before. Its as though, if i can make right things that were wrong, i'll somehow feel happier and confident about myself once again. Oh well....
It brought me instant flashback to another scene, its definitely not the first time. My frequent staring into space has always been misinterpreted, and is the driving cause of many things as well. Many a times, i feel that people dun understand me at all. There're many many innate reasons why i do so. I feel frustrated most when i'm not understood- but yet, i refuse to let people understand me so easily. I'll only open up to... wait.... i think i've been accused of not being able to open up before! Oh, boy.
Haha, so the whole irony about the loud hair,wild lifestyle, ridiculous dressing, exuding confidence and heck-care attitude- so its all a facade and is mere put-on expression of the self?? Interesting...
Many a times, i didnt feel comfortable at the dinner itself because the presence of people(s) lingering around which might have made me consciously guarded and unwilling to reveal my true self; sometimes its cause i'm thinking ( and yes,i do think and ponder- I'm an intellectual animal; NOT intelligent animal, its Intellectual!) and yes as suspected, sometimes its just fatigue. Many a times, its cause i'm enjoying the atmosphere as well ( notice i dun speak with La Contabilidad performs). And yes, i stare sometimes, when i'm depressed. Wasnt exactly enjoying it, and feels uncomfortable under my skin- and BLest friend caught it. Hahaha, its not tat difficult to realise really.
But yes, I have to admit, ernie's been acting very self guarded- even more so now, and very defensive. Its like some innate self-defence mechanism being put on auto-fuction mode. I think everyone around me can notice that. Everyone. She's changed.
I think ernie's really the one who's having issues, not you.
PS: I'm not SM for production 2005. In many ways, i'm more sad than glad. In a way, i want to be because i want to engulf once again in production, and make right everything i've made wrong before. Its as though, if i can make right things that were wrong, i'll somehow feel happier and confident about myself once again. Oh well....
posted by ernie bernie at 3:14 AM
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